Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
