see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
