One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
