I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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