Can Purell be used as lube?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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