Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
