It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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