I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
