The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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