Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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