i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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