don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
