all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i out mim tonsoeep
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