you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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