i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
