just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
