he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
