i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm at about main and main street
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
