im drinking this country out of the recession.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
