I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
