Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
