Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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