don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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