next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
