the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
