My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
