just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
