:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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