Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
