you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
