i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
soo... how was my night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
