Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
