She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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