No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
