I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
