I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
