I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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