ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
