I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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