eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can't special order awesome
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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