God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
