What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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