all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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