You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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