I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
