I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
