Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
do herpes really smell.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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