all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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