This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
