he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
