i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
