Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
