party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
